Officially a Caucafrican

It’s been confirmed – I’m officially 50% black and 50% white.

Or is it Black and White? Or is it African-American and Caucasian? Not sure which is P.C. these days and less awkward for people say. (But don’t you just love when people start stuttering because they don’t know which version to use – ha!)

Now, I’m assuming a DNA test could confirm this too (or you know, my black father and white mother), but my very scientific findings are based on something far more reliable: Stuff White People Like.

The creators of this blog have identified 134 things that white people like. I assume that their list could be longer, but they haven’t updated it since September 2010 because their blog became a (second) successful book and their humorous commentary became available for speaking engagements (note to self…)

Either way, I took this list of stuff white people liked, dumped it into an Excel spread sheet, and marked each “thing”:

  • Yes – as a white person, I like this
  • No – as a black person, I don’t like this
  • Maybe – as a female, I can’t make up my mind

This, in theory, would give me my official, uncontested racial percentage breakdown. The result: 39% white, 32% black, 25% woman.  Not helpful.

So I forced myself to stop being a girl and make a yes or no decision. After over analyzing each undecided “thing” (guess where #56 Lawyers landed on my list) and taking the bloggers’ rationale into account, I divvyed each gray response clearly into black and white. The final result: 67 yays and 67 nays. Ladies, Gentlemen, Kenny (love you, bro) – I’m half white and half black!

Proof I’m 50% white  

Proof I’m 50% black

In conclusion: What does this mean? I’m a Caucafrican! I’m clearly not one or the other, though others often refuse to accept that. I don’t fit into the predefined categories (though, who does). Regardless of what your perception may be of someone – based on skin color or disposition – only he/she can say who he/she truly is. We each choose our own identity and define our own sense of self. Mine may be based on a humor blog, but that works for me. So for the record, if you ask me to choose just one, I’ll choose Caucafrican. And now I’ve got the data (…) to back me up. And in the end, it doesn’t make a difference; I’m just Lindsay.

But for the record, I’m making every effort to not breed with a fellow Caucafrican in the event this happens:

Two caucafrican parents = One black twin, one white twin.



But you better believe I would name those kids (male or female) Ebony and Ivory. Guess where I landed on #50 Irony?


Posted on November 22, 2011, in Lindsay analyzes, Lindsay laughs, Lindsay reads. Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. Love it!! You’re the whitest and blackest Caucafrican I know. 🙂

  2. Bert, Ernie's former best friend and rubber sucky partner

    I’m appalled you don’t like Wes Anderson, especially because you loved Lars and the Real Girl. I can no longer share rubber duckies with you.

    • Bert, Ernie's former best friend and rubber sucky partner

      Ducky. Apologize, bad auto correct

      • Just IMDBed it: Lars and the Real Girl (which was indeed creepily fantastic) was not directed by Wes Anderson. The 67/67 ruling stands. Nice name BTW, but Bert will always be Ernie’s BFF regardless of his movie choices.

  3. Gotta love the scientific method. And, who the $%&@ is Wes Anderson????

  4. Bert, Ernie's former best friend and rubber ducky partner

    I know he didn’t direct it but similar genre was my thought process. And no, he won’t.

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